“Yeah, they’ll have to get around me, too,” said the other rider.

He was being modest. I wasn’t.

If the national cyclocross championships this past Saturday were a gunfight, I had shown up not with a pistol, or even a knife, but a rusty pair of nail clippers. Usually I race in a category called M3. The ‘M’ is for “masters,” those 35 years old and older. The ‘3’ means that the master only applies to age, not ability. It’s usually one of the largest categories in the local Sunday cyclocross races. But this was the nationals. Many of the guys I race against were smart enough to stay home. For this race, riders were just grouped by age. My category was 30 to 39. I was up against guys who are M1, two rankings higher, and elite, which means younger and faster. As for my position in the second row, a lottery put me there, and that little bit of fortune used up my luck quotient for the race.

After the start whistle, the riders with their gatling-gun legs did fire around me. I was about fourth from the end at the first corner. We tore along a paved path and then turned off into the woods. Like most of the others, I dismounted for the first tight, muddy turn. I got back on the bike, pedalled along. Then, for some reason of which I’m still not sure, I was doing a summersault along the side of the single track, and my bike bounced to other side. By the time I was pedalling again, everyone was out of sight.

If you are last in a race, like really last, you are an isolated particle. There’s no presence behind pushing you forward and there’s no wheel in front to draw you on. Because ’cross courses are so varied, there’s no “going for one’s personal best” for motivation, or to apply later as an ego balm. So at the back of the pack, you have this wonderful freedom to choose how you’ll lose. I’ve seen a rider mix his physical pain with his emotional dissatisfaction, which just seems sulky. Maybe there is someone at the finish line who will coo for him, “Oh, there there. You just didn’t have the legs I know you have.” I know of another rider who rides with such disdain when he’s losing. He looks back at barriers as if he overhead them say “I don’t get the deal with Daydream Nation” as he was browsing records. His performance is amusing, but he comes across like a prick. I decided to try to not look shitty and to give’er…or a least look like I was given’er.

My mind descended into its race haze. At certain points, the announcer’s words came into focus and seemed to be narrating my ride.

“Riding on the grass really saps the legs of energy, which makes going up those hills even tougher.”

Yes. Yes. Don’t remind me.

“And as a rider continues and gets more and more tired, his judgement also starts to go. The technical parts get more difficult.”

Yes. Thank you. Stop drawing people’s attention to that corner I just took too wide.

A photographer snapped a shot of me as I teetered and fell at the top of a hard climb.

“You just had to get that shot,” I said.

“Yes.”

“Ass.”

I did keep my wits on the barriers: dismounting, running over them and mounting smoothly. Same with the running through the swing-set sandpit. After the race, my friend had the most sincere backhanded compliment: “You did really well at the non-cycling parts.”

The only ray of hope came in the race’s second last lap. As I came down the the hill toward the start line, the second last rider didn’t seem so far away. Maybe I could catch him. I hit the gas on the paved section and went roaring into the forest. I stalked him through the woods around the twisting muddy corners. He had no idea I was gaining. Perfect. At the switchback coming out of the forest and back onto the paved path, he saw me and bolted. Maybe I could catch him in the technical section past the finish line. I had one more hellish lap to salvage something. But at the bend before the start of my last lap, a race official tweeted his whistle at me. Both my second-last nemesis and I were in danger of being lapped, which meant our races were over one lap before the others.

As my friend with the backhanded compliments would say, “Well, you did finish the race ahead of the winner.”

• Ryder Hesjedal (Garmin-Transitions, now Garmin-Cervelo)
• Timothy Duggan (Garmin-Transitions, now Liquigas-Cannondale)
• Danny Pate (Garmin Transitions, now HTC-Highroad)
• Samuel Sanchez (Euskaltel-Euskadi)
• Miguel Minguez (Euskaltel-Euskadi)
• Alan Perez (Euskaltel-Euskadi)
• Robert Gesink (Rabobank)
• Tom Stamsnijder (Rabobank, now Leopard Trek)
• Dennis van Winden (Rabobank)
• Levi Leipheimer (Team Radioshack)
• Kristijan Koren (Liquigas-Domino, now Liquigas-Cannondale)
• Brian Vandborg (Liquigas-Domino, now Liquigas-Cannondale)
• Dries Devenyns (Quick Step)
• Jérôme Pineau (Quick Step)
• Francesco Reda (Quick Step)
• Jurgen van de Walle (Quick Step, now Omega Pharma-Lotto)
• Edvald Boasson Hagen (Sky)
• Michael Barry (was scheduled to race in 2010, but couldn’t because of a broken rib)
• Sandy Casar (FDJ)
• Thibault Pinot (FDJ)
• Michael Morkov (Saxo Bank, now Saxo Bank Sungard)
• André Steensen (Saxo Bank, now Saxo Bank Sungard)
• Damiano Cunego (Lampre-Farnese Vini, now Lampre-ISD, but the grapevine says he is ill and won’t be racing)
• Simone Ponzi (Lampre-Farnese Vini, now Lampre-ISD)
• Simon Spilak (Lampre-Farnese Vini, now Lampre-ISD)
• Diego Ulissi (Lampre-Farnese Vini, now Lampre-ISD)
• Gert Dockx (HTC-Columbia, now Omega Pharma-Lotto)
• Patrick Gretsch (HTC-Columbia, now HTC-Highroad)
• Craig Lewis (HTC-Columbia, now HTC-Highroad)
• Frantisek Rabon (HTC-Columbia, now HTC-Highroad)
• Jose Ivan Gutierrez (Caisse d’Epargne, now Movistar)
• Jose Joaquin Rojas (Caisse d’Epargne, now Movistar)
• Gerald Ciolek (Milram, now Quick Step)
• Niki Terpstra (Milram, now Quick Step)
• Fabian Wegmann (Milram, now Leopard Trek)
• Mirko Selvaggi (Astana, now Vacansoleil-DCM Pro)
• Yukiya Arashiro (Bbox Bouygues Telecom, now Europcar)
• Pierrick Fedrigo (Bbox Bouygues Telecom, now FDJ)
• Cyril Gautier (Bbox Bouygues Telecom, now Europcar)
• Sébastien Turgot (Bbox Bouygues Telecom, now Europcar)
• Alessandro Ballan (BMC)
• Brent Bookwalter (BMC)
• George Hincapie (BMC)
• Jeffrey Louder (BMC)
• Danilo Wyss (BMC)
• Mickaël Buffaz (Cofidis)
• Rémi Cusin (Cofidis)
• Leonardo Fabio Duque (Cofidis)
• Sébastien Minard (Confidis, now AG2R La Mondiale)
• Amaël Moinard (Confidis, now BMC)
• Dominique Rollin (Team Canada, now FDJ)
• Bruno Langlois (Team Canada [Quebec City race only], now Spidertech p/b C10 [Quebec City race only])
• François Parisien (Team Canada, now Spidertech p/b C10)
• Will Routley (Team Canada, now Spidertech p/b C10)
• David Veilleux (Team Canada, now Europcar)
• Ryan Anderson (Team Canada [Montreal race only], now Spidertech p/b C10)

“Oh yeah, keep going. I don’t want to catch you again,” I said with what I’m sure was playful sarcasm.

“Fuck you, asshole!” he yelled over his shoulder.

A guy in the minivan called to me, across a woman in the passenger seat :

“He’s going to get hit someday.”

It was offered like a consolation. Sure, ambler was passing you and slowing you up, but he’d get what’s coming, don’t worry ruler-follower. The words were also a show of solidarity. We didn’t run red lights. We were good drivers. It’s like we were on the same team. But we’re not.

“Yeah, but that happens to cyclists who follow the rules, too,” I said.

We both started moving on the green.

Arsenault has been involved with road racing for more than 30 years. In 1974, he was a Radio Canada commentator for the UCI Road World Championships in Montreal, which the great Eddy Merckx won. From 1988 to 1991, Arsenault organized the races in Montreal that were part of the UCI’s World Cup circuit. His television stations, Serdy Vidéo and Canal Évasion, have broadcasted the Tour de France. Out of these experiences, Arsenault was able gain a UCI licence last summer to hold North America’s first ProTour races.

The Quebec City race, on Friday, September 10, is a 12.6 kilometre circuit that will take riders by the Plains of Abraham and through the old city 15 times. The Montreal race, two days later, is a 12.9 kilometre circuit that takes riders around Mont Royal 16 times. According to Arsenault, they are tough, aggressive courses. He figures only 40 per cent of the riders, out of roughly 170, will finish the race.

“A rider won’t win in Montreal and Quebec City by chance. He and his team will have to have a perfect day and execute their game of chess without mistakes,” Arsenault says alluding to the myriad tactics involved in winning a road race.

For Arsenault, these two races mark the future of professional cycling. From the early 1900s to the 1970s, cycling was a continental European sport dominated by riders from France, Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, Switzerland and Spain. The riders from the U.K., North America and Australia have only been a fixture over the last 30 years, over which time the field has become even more international. There is pressure to make the ProTour races reflect this growing internationalism and to take the sport beyond Europe. While there are continental UCI races around the world, only Europe and Australia have had ProTour races.

“Both Russia and China want races,” Arsenault says, “In the next year—maximum two years—the U.S. will have race.”

Arsenault wants to be ahead of this wave of expansion and be a part of the new face of cycling. For the two Canadian Grand Prix races, he’s pulling out all of the stops. You know those motorcyclists who follow the cyclists in the Tour de France? The ones with a cameraman on the back. Arsenault has hired those guys because they are the best. It’s a good thing too. These races will be broadcast during the afternoon, Eastern Standard Time, but during prime time in Europe. Arsenault is also trying to create a festival atmosphere around the races. One proposed event is a festival express train that will take riders, journalists and fans from Quebec City to Montreal on the Saturday between the races. The train ride has been billed as an event in and of itself.

There may be one damper on the festivities already though. The races in Quebec will happen in the midst of the Vuelta a España, which is the last of the three Grand Tours, after the Giro d’Italia in May and the Tour de France in July. This arrangement doesn’t seem to worry Arsenault too much. The ProTeams have to send eight racers each to the Canadian races so there will be no problem stocking the event. But how attractive will these races be for riders? Will the big name cyclists want to ride in these new races, or participate in the Vuelta with its history and prestige? In terms of the points a rider can earn from these races, which determine his UCI World Ranking, Arsenault sees the Canadian races as a better deal.

“A winner at both Quebec and Montreal will get 160 points,” he said. “That’s in just two days. A win at the Vuelta, which is 21 days of racing, will bring 170 points.”

Arsenault added that the Vuelta is in decline. This year may be its 75th anniversary, but it also seems to be its last as a 21-day race. In 2011, it will run 14 days. The ProTour calendar is already pretty busy, and will get busier. There just doesn’t seem to be room of 21-day epics. However, the Vuelta still carries weight amongst riders. Dominique Rollin, a member of Cervélo Test Team, has some ambivalence over the Canadian races and the Spanish Grand Tour. He’s the only Canadian on the Canadian-backed team, which is, however, based in Switzerland. He knows it would be good from a marketing perspective to be in Quebec City and Montreal, but his sights are set on the Grand Tours and he would prefer to attend the Vuelta.

I can’t blame Rollin for wanting to go to Spain at the end of August for three weeks. But, I’m keen on watching the Canadian races in their respective cities, even if that press pass doesn’t work out. There are many reasons to go. One of those reasons, which Arsenault pointed out near the end of our conversation, is that cycling is the only professional sport that you can attend for free.

At Dundas and Yonge a trumpeter was playing Taps. Yvonne Bambrick, executive director of the Toronto Cyclists Union, thanked pedestrians and motorists blocked by the ride for their patience and understanding. Going north on University, a woman shouted, “Our friend was murdered by the former attorney general of Ontario,” repeatedly. Tommy Toast and a friend opened a can of Grolsch, each took a swig and poured out beer for Sheppard. Later, a cyclist would make a similar offering at the Canada Post grey box on Bloor on which messages for Sheppard are attached. The cyclist would squat down beside the piece of street furniture that Sheppard collided with and break apart a cigarette.

When the ride got to Avenue and Bloor, at about 5:45pm, riders gathered around the site of Monday’s accident. Many raised their bikes up in salute. Friends of Sheppard put their bikes on the road and sat down. Stephanie Thompson, a friend who had seen Sheppard a few days before the accident held up a sign that read “Justice for Al.”

A man walking by the gathering said to his companion, “When you hang onto a car, that’s what you get.”

One cycle cop on the scene said to his co-worker, “You still with that beautiful broad?”

The reply: “Yup.”

A woman walking by said, “…and this ruined his political career.”

Around 6:15pm, the police, who had managed traffic around the protest, started corralling the remaining riders, either to bust up the event or open up an eastbound lane on Bloor. Some of the riders shouted at the police. Then they chanted, “Who’s streets? Our streets!” for a bit. But the crowd dwindled. By this time, I was on the north side of the street talking to some interested passersby.  We agreed that the best things that could come of this tragedy are more awareness and action for safe cycling in the city.

Click for pictures.

So, as an exercise in ego resuscitation, here are a few things I can do faster than Lance Armstrong:

• walk through a crowd at a cycling event (because I don’t have the burden of being recognized and having to sign autographs)
• name all the provinces and territories of Canada
• use the Toronto subway system to get from Bay station to St. Claire West station (Lance would probably make the newbie mistake of transferring at Spadina instead of St. George)
• parse a sentence
• buy a two-four of Lucky Lager from the Dupont Street Beer Store (Lance would probably ask the guy to send it up from the back. Sucker. I know the Lucky is always on the left slide of the open rack—Crap! Now Lance knows where it is too.)
• copy edit
• really dig an album by Vibracathedral Orchestra
• vacuum my house (I already live there and have a key; right now, Lance would have to fly in from France and have someone let him in…and then find the vacuum)
• get annoyed by one of Margaret Wente’s articles
• buy the latest New Yorker from Book City on Bloor Street (Lance doesn’t know that the issue is usually…Nice try Lance. I’m not falling for that one again.)

We all know that much of Lance’s success comes from the support of his team during the race. I must acknowledge the help of Team Amadeus Patio for helping me to recognize some of the skills presented above.

Really though, now that I think of it, I could beat Lance Armstrong in a race from my home to my office, assuming he follows traffic laws like I do. Lance would probably take the designated bike routes through the city, which are never direct. Think about it. He always follows the prescribed routes. Those Tour de France organizers say, “You’re going to bike from here to here following these roads.” (Well, they say that, but in French, I guess.) And then he just rides where he’s told. Not me, man. I take whatever route is fastest.

I was jumping between three live blogs of Obama’s visit today, including The Agenda’s. (Holy. Lots of love for Cover It Live.) It seemed Mr. Paikin’s Web event was relying mostly on the #obamawa hash-tag feed. Disappointing I thought. I was so impressed with their AgendaCamp broadcast from Thunder Bay. They combined television and Web much better than CBC ever had. So I called The Agenda on rehashing a hash.

They replied, letting me know that they did have someone in Ottawa covering the event. Fair enough. But then I felt a twinge (twinger of guilt?) for having written the dis-tweet into the #obamawa feed, and thus into The Agenda’s live blog.

I do assuage the guilt a bit with the idea that there is no bad publicity. I did present all 23 of my followers with a link to The Agenda page.

Really Mr. Paikin, there’s no need to thank me.

But then we come to the words of Elmira, Ont.’s favourite son and US college football fan: “…and the last [of five quarterbacks drafted by the Philadelphia Eagles in 1999] was so awful that after failing out of the N.F.L. he ended up failing out of the Canadian Football League as well.” Whoa, three-down-football burn! Now, I’m pretty sure that Gladwell has watched more football than me, but I know the Bills/Dolphins game I saw from a Rogers Centre box was way more boring than any of the Ottawa Rough Riders games I used to see from the cheap seats at Lansdowne Park. The level of play was about the same in all cases.

Take that, bro.

The Stelmach government—which was selling itself in Washington as environmentally responsible when the incident occurred—is facing accusations of a coverup for refusing to release photos of the ducks.
The provincial government is also being skewered for summarizing its U.S. junket as “Mission Accomplished.”

I can’t imagine why Stelmach and friends are catching flak for hyping their tour as “Mission Accomplished.” The dead ducks in the oilsands wastewater show that the premier and his crew appreciate the phrase in a way similar to George W. Bush, as the president spoke on an aircraft carrier in 2003.