Pióro

Tuk-tuks

Named after the sound they make, these three-wheeled buggies of death are ubiquitous around Bangkok. The government tried to outlaw these safety-hazards a few years ago with little success. In one of these motorised rickshaws, the driver straddles the stick-shift, the exposed car-battery sits near the left passenger’s feet and the lack of any emissions-control is taken care of by your lungs.

The scam with tuk-tuk drivers works like this: driver asks you where you are going. You name a place. He says ‘200 baht’ (approx. $8 CDN). You say 10. He says, ‘Be serious. Okay, okay 1200 for all four.’ You call him nuts and start to walk away. Eventually you agree on something like 30 baht but, and there’s a big ‘but,’ he’s going to show you something. That something is a handful of jewelry and tailor shops. It can be a ton of shops if you don’t stipulate how many before the ride. The driver gets his gas paid for by the jewelers or tailors if you browse for fifteen minutes or more. “Okay, okay. Here, you take your time. Take your time.”

We played along at first, but it gets kinda taxing as you feign interest in stuff you have no intention of buying. I think next time we’ll take the bus.

The memory of a tuk-tuk driver is surprisingly bad. At the end of the ride, you all gather up the money you owe him. One person hands the driver the baht. The driver stares at the sum, looks at you and then back at the money. He’s confused, bewildered. Then, with great concentration as if recalling a distant memory from childhood, the tuk-tuk driver quotes a number that is higher than that resting in his hand. He seems to remember things differently. You say ‘Whatever’ and walk away.

Scooters

Thais can transport anything on a scooter. Two people and a sixteen foot ladder on a dirt road has been the coolest feat to beat so far. In Bangkok, hoards of scooters run like water through any break in the traffic. Lane splitting is an art-form.
The bus station in Krabi is pretty inconveniently located. No one really goes to Krabi to see Krabi. They go there to get to beaches at Ao Nang or Rai Ley. You can get to these places from the Krabi bus station, but you are at the mercy of the tourist agencies at the station, who know you are trapped on the outskirts of town.
We found ourselves at the Krabi bus station, but we weren’t too keen on the inflated bus or boat prices to the surrounding areas. Agnes and I took a walk up the road, where we ran into a scooter guy from Fisherman Association of Krabi [sic]. We indicated that we needed a ride to Ao Nang for four people. He nodded and took off to find his buddies. He came back with three more scooter-guys. We explained again what we needed. One scooter guys said that they would take all of us, including the big packs, on the one hour ride to Ao Nang for the bargan price of 100 baht. This price was the same as the extortionate bus station shuttle, which has four wheels and is air-conditioned. We laughed. We quoted a much lower price. They laughed. We walked.

In the end, we did employ the help of the scooter guys from the Fisherman Association of Krabi. For 15 baht each, they would drive us three kilometers to the cheap buses that ran to Ao Nang. Let me tell you, there’s nothing like riding in formation with a bunch of Krabi fishermen–sort of a skinny Thai version of the Hell’s Angels, in flip-flops.

When we paid up, the fishermen suffered some tuk-tuk driver amnesia (see above). We caught the bus to Ao Nang.

Songthaew

The ‘bus’ to Ao Nang was actually a songthaew, a low-riding pick-up with two benches running the length of the back. There’s no tail-gate, but there is a running-board off the back. The board is about 15 cm from the ground and has many uses. For example, it functions as a rickety step that makes hopping into the back of the truck easier for older Thai women. Or, when the songthaew is jammed to the roof-rack with beach-goers, Warren and Matthew can find room standing on it. Lemme tell ya, there’s nothing like standing on the back of a songthaew as a truck decked out with speakers pulls up behind blaring the Star Wars theme, the asphalt below your feet moving by at 60 to 90 km\h.

Suped-up Scooter

Some enterprising Thais jimmy up a side-car/bench and attach it to the side of their scooters. These contraptions are even less stable than tuk-tuks. The four of you cram onto one. One of you says, “Krabi, one way.” The driver hears “Highway.” and you hear the best price for a trip to Krabi ever. At the highway, the driver is confused. You’re confused. You take a songthaew the rest of the way.